"I'm a big kid now..."

Recently, I've been feeling very grown up. The job, the dog, the boyfriend...everything in my life feels incredibly good and purposeful. Like I was really thinking, when I made these choices about the direction I wanted my life to go in. And turns out I made the right choices, well so far at least.

But then I see pictures like this...

Mishalulu.com

...and I desperately want to be small again.

The kind of small where everything is taken care of. No decisions, no work, no shopping or driving or caring about anything, except your favorite doll (mine was a little brown hair dolly named Pandy) and your parents kiss at the end of the night (are there lions?).

And even though being a big time grown up, with really wonderful things happening in life, is amazing. I am still really jealous of that pink skirt and the carelessness that goes with it.

Go to Mishalulu for more pictures of beautiful children wearing amazing clothes. It might just make you pull out that old baby doll and say hello.

A perfect combination

Two things that I am appreciating this week: dogs and dawn.

Every morning this week I have crawled out of bed at 5:40am to properly spend time with my new life companion, Sandee. This dog is the definition of love in the morning time, she cuddles, and snuggles, and licks your face desperately saying "I have to pee, I have pee!". So, I rise, splash my face with water and spend the early two hours of the morning with this face...

I've always loved the idea of calling myself an "Early Riser". In fact, I would argue that mornings are the most quiet and peaceful moment of the day. Walking amongst dark houses with people sleeping, I almost soften my foot step as to not wake them up and quiet her leash when we jog across the street. And, each of these mornings when we get back Sandee and I sit at the bedroom window, me with my coffee and her with her chew toy, to watch the squirrels rustle about in their morning routine.

It's a different kind of morning than I've had in a while. Thank goodness.

Dear World....Meet Sandee

She's a little sleepy right now. Today was a big day.

More smiles to come when we are all well rested.

Fluttering

My little art teacher soul sighs a big breath of relief and joy...

A room of student art work done this summer shines as students walk by. The butterflies they created flutter above their tiny heads as they point, finding their own work shine amongst the others. Each butterfly is filled with purpose, intention, and meaning. To find out more about this collaborative project go here . I am simply so proud of the work they did.

I Never Saw Another Butterfly

"Such, such a yellow Is carried lightly way up high. It went away I'm sure because / It wished to kiss the world goodbye. For seven weeks I've lived in here / Penned up inside this ghetto, But I have found my people here / The dandelions call to me And the white chestnut candles in the court. Only I never saw another butterfly." —Poet Paul Friedmann, died at Auschwitz, 1944.

Bookends

Fall is creeping in through the telephone. My New Englanders are o0-ing over apple trees and sweaters at night. My Portlanders are ah-ing over the final berry harvests (always the best) and foggy mornings. And my even my Pittsburghers are chatting about cooler nights and school buses on the road. But guess what? Nashville is still hot. Today it managed to hover in the low 90's-bearable but still making it tough to turn the AC off and open the windows for an afternoon breeze.

I've been desperate to escape it, so much in fact that I gave up my Sunday sleep-in to bask in the coolness of the morning. At 8am I was up, and by 830 I found myself jogging through the woods. Amazingly enough, I could even feel the breeze on my arms...impossible during the stagnant heat of mid-day. The run was good but the woods were better. There is just something incredibly opening about the woods in the morning. As if they represent an invitation to where the magic happens, while the rest of us sit inside at our desks or classrooms. A deer ran right up to me at the end. Her eyes didn't demand anything from me other than just to say "Hello". I smiled and moved on, leaving her to her leaves and ruffage breakfast platter.

Another great thing about it still being summer here are the warm nights. As the heat breaks (or the rain comes in like it did today) you watch as people in my neighborhood emerge onto their front porches to breathe a breath of non air conditioned air. And, as much as I am eager for my favorite season to begin I am enjoying thees warm nights and cool mornings. Being grateful for the bookends of the day.

Time to begin again

Hi. I missed you.

It's been two months since I last checked in, sorry. I have to say, I had every intention of keeping updated stories here of my travels. But while traveling the last thing you really think of doing is sitting in front of computer screen for long periods at a time. Why? Because, I was busy! Backpacking through Panama, saying goodbye to Portland (once again), becoming a camp counselor in Petrolia, boating with dolphins in Ventura, and watching dear friends get married in San Diego. I was busy being in the land of living (not a bad place to be if you ask me). I watched the sunsets over Arizona black mesas and sunrises over Caribbean islands. And, with each set and rise of that orange ball I became thrilled for the exploration and love I might run into the next day. It was really really good.

And now...I'm back. Routines have set in. My alarm clock is back to being set for 6:15am, I've stocked up on yogurt and granola, my fridge is full, and my home is warm. And... my beloved has returned with me to Nashville. He's here everyday and that warms my heart more than you can imagine.

So I'm set. I'm home and...tomorrow is the first day of school.

One of the funny things about being a teacher is that my year doesn't exist on the same terms as normal working adults. Rather than December 31st being the big finale and January 1st being the start of the new, my year revolves entirely around the start and end of a school year. So I guess in many ways, tonight is my New Years Eve... (cling cling go the champagne glasses in the background).

I'm ready. The lessons are prepared, the tables are clean, and even my drawing pencils are sharpened. But I have to say, as most of us do on a New Years Eve, I keep thinking of the time past. Mostly, I close my eyes and see that sunset over the mesa and even though I am so ready for the year to begin, I will be mourning this summer for a while. But I guess that is what keeps us going through the start of the new year. Thinking of those perfect moment in the past, that you can only hope you get to have again the following year.

Thanks to all of you who were a part of it. You were exactly what I needed to begin again.

Better than Ice Cream: Part 2

Home. It's a funny how a word can have so many definitions. Constantly evolving, changing, and morphing I have had many different homes over the past 5 years. And for these past three weeks I have been traveling to many of these"homes", basking in the love they give me. Last I checked into the blog-o-sphere I was at the brink of this adventure, unsure how all of it would play out yet thrilled to jump on the plane and see those people and places that I love so dearly. Now that I am at the end of my "home hopping", I do feel like it was a lot. A lot of traveling. A lot of love. A lot of anxious nights before early morning flights. A lot of eating. A LOT of drinking. And mostly, a lot of love from all corners of my life.

I sat and ate tacos with a friend I've loved for only a year in Portland and then had martinis with another friend I've loved for 8 years that very same night. I traveled to New York to bask in the sunshine of one of my dearest friends from high school, walked through the East Village by the building that my sister went to elementary school in, only to meet up with my sweet Meghann from UNH, whom I haven't laid eyes on in 3 years. I came south to Pittsburgh to sit in my father's garden, pay tribute to a friend lost 10 years ago to tragedy, walk with Carly through the east end of the city, and bury my childhood dog's ashes in the backyard while I hold my Mom's hand.

How am I so lucky to have all of that? And yet, I still have more.

As I sit here in Nashville getting ready to set on the next adventure I worry that I've done too much and that my energy is too low for the next phase. But this one is different, it's all about love.

A trek through Panama with the man I am madly in love with begins tomorrow. And then, our drive across country as he comes back to my little Tennessee house to share with me for the year. This next stage will be less about seeing all those places I will forever call home, and more about forming a new kind of home with him. A home filled with memories of adventure, backpacks, west coast beer, pacific sand, redwoods, and my very first visit to the grand cannon. Needless to say, I'll write along the way. And although I am exhausted and worn from the traveling from before...the know the love I soaked in from my past will glow inside of me until I come back and settle in for my second year of teaching.

For those of you I saw, thank you for the best June I could have asked for. For those I didn't...I hate that it wasn't longer. Keep an eye out for a postcard in your mailbox.

Next stop...Panama!