Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Me and me...and a birthday celebration

Tonight I did something big. I went to the ballet...alone. It was genius really. No chit chat during intermission, no "what did you think about the costumes?" conversation while exiting the theater, and perhaps the best part was that I was late...and it didn't even matter. Some times I really like these things during a performance, but tonight the silence seemed so right.

I don't know why this is a surprise for me. I love seeing movies alone (even though I rarely do it). Eating alone at a sushi bar is wonderful (even though I've only done it once). And one of my goals in life is to go on a backpacking trip all by myself, over night, just a tent and me (needless to say, never done it). What I'm getting at here, is that I am really working on being better at hanging out with just me. No matter how romantic it seems second hand, I rarely want to do something by myself and I just about never seek it out.

This is a journey I've been working on for just about a year an a half now- enjoying being alone. Don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life and I want more of them. But, just before my 25th birthday I realized that the idea of solitude petrified me. I didn't know what to do with it or how to approach it. It was like this really cute boy I wanted to talk to, but couldn't open my mouth because he was so handsome. But, it was me that I was afraid of. Now really, how silly is that?

So, I changed my life. I moved to Nashville knowing no one. I decided to live by myself rather than with roommates. And, I started going on long walks everyday with no ipod or cellphone, just me...walking. All of the above have been big. The ballet tonight was big. But I still am a long ways away from my solo adventure with my tent. Actually, I don't even own my own tent. Hmmm...maybe that should be step one?

And anyways, I kind of cheated tonight. I wasn't REALLY alone. The ballet was A Midsummer's Night Dream and tonight was Shakespeare birthday. So really, we were celebrating.

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